


Alternian Chief of Police, Officer Pyrope

by meoqie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Sex, F/M, Light BDSM, Police Uniforms, Tentabulges, Uniform Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-07 23:35:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1918368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meoqie/pseuds/meoqie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here's the thing – they didn't have police on Alternia. They had an incredibly large and deadly military under the direct command of the empress and something like a murderous clown lord, by Dave's understanding. They didn't really need a police. There was basically nothing illegal on Alternia. Drugs, murder, alcohol – excuse me, soporifics, – LARP sessions that resulted in literal death and maiming? Psh, no big deal! Of course there was treason but that was handled by aforementioned massive and deadly military. You don't need a planetary crime task force when there is literally only one kind of crime and it's punished exclusively with certain death.</p>
<p>Man, trolls were really fuckin' weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alternian Chief of Police, Officer Pyrope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IgnotusSomnium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgnotusSomnium/gifts).



> This was a really fun and cute prompt. I love Daverezi and even more so when Terezi is running the show. This is meant to take place on the meteor, obviously before Terezi had Aranea heal her eyes, but if the in-canon age is iffy there's not really many references to it and can be ignored to imagine them aged up.

The absence of police on Alternia didn't stop Terezi from being fascinated by the human legal system. Incarceration! Handcuffs that didn’t burn flesh! The ridiculous notion of innocent until proven guilty! And of course those smart uniforms. Those smelled exceptionally snazzy. While it wasn’t exactly as glamorous of a job as a legislacerator (but really, what job was?) being a police troll sounded pretty R4D1C4L. 

The first step was to alchemize a uniform. The law must always be decked out in the freshest of duds! Try as she might she couldn’t manage a red uniform, but the white and navy was good enough. The handcuffs inexplicably came out lined with something fuzzy, but the fuzzy stuff was red and it was probably better just for roleplaying, anyway. Dave was usually her victim for most of her playacting schemes and humans tended to be a bit… squishier. She didn’t want to actually maim him. Her interest in him only loosely skirted around pitch. Humans didn’t even understand the quadrants, anyway, so blackflirting would probably just scare him away!

Tucking the handcuffs into her belt, Terezi tapped her way down the corridor of the meteor, whistling jauntily. That seemed like a police thing to do. She should be spinning a jail key around on her finger or something. Next time she’d remember to alchemize one of those too. Maybe even build a little jail in the corner of one of the storage rooms! She’d set up an interrogation room but a little holding cell would add even more to the atmosphere. Setting the scene was very important in any roleplaying scenario. 

“Mr. Dave Strider!” Terezi crowed as she flung open the door to his respiteblock. “You are under arrest!”

“What are the charges, Officer Pyr-oh hot damn.”

From the sounds of it, Dave spun around so quickly he fell out of his chair. Terezi took a long, hard sniff of the room. Yep, he was definitely on the floor. And blushing a delicious candy red, too! She cackled gleefully. 

“The charges don’t matter!” she exclaimed. She’d decided to abandon some of the overly lenient laws, like basic rights. “I’m the law and what I say goes.”

“Yes ma’am,” Dave said quickly, scrambling to his feet. 

Terezi took another whiff. Had his blush… increased? She strolled over to him and pressed her nose against his cheek.

“Say, coolkid,” she trilled. “You’re smelling exceptionally delicious today!”

“Am I?” Dave asked weakly.

A little idea began to uncoil itself in the depths of Terezi’s thinkpan. Equius had been like this, too. Got all excited when someone ordered him around. But he got gross and sweaty and he was kind of a casteist jerk, whereas Dave just turned from peach cobbler to very cherry and it was pretty adorable. Plus he wasn’t a jerk. That helped a lot. 

“Turn around, hands behind your back!” Terezi barked, experimenting with her theory.

Dave obeyed immediately. As she leaned closed to take a sniff, she was delighted to find that even the very tips of his ears were red! She gave one the tiniest of self-indulgent licks. The result was a very visible shudder. Well, visible to anyone who wasn’t blind! 

“I don’t think it’s very professional for an officer to lick their suspect,” Dave said in a slightly strangled voice. Very interesting.

“No back talk!” she said briskly, giving his hip a light swat before clapping him in irons. 

“Holy Shit! TZ, are those fuzzy handcuffs?” he exclaimed.

Terezi just giggled, because he wasn’t really looking for an answer. He knew full well that they were fuzzy handcuffs, because what else would feel like fuzzy handcuffs?

“I didn’t actually mean for them to be fuzzy,” she admitted. “They just came out that way. I figured it would be better though, with your sensitive human skin!” 

“Holy shit holy shit holy shit.” Dave squirmed slightly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “I don’t think you meant for this to be some kind of weird ass kinky foreplay but that is exactly what it is right now and I’m a little freaked out by how much it’s turning me on.” 

Terezi made an exaggerated emoticon “:O!” face despite the fact that Dave had his back to her and couldn’t see it. 

“Would that be the culprit behind this delightful sensory confection I’m being graced with, blossoming under your peachy skin?” she crooned in his ear. It was still bright red. She gave it another lick and felt Dave’s knees wobble. Ehehehe. 

“Yeah that is definitely what’s making me blush right now and unless you want to deal with me being a horny mess the entire roleplay maybe you should shelve the Officer Pyrope getup for a less kinky victim,” Dave said all in a rush. 

Terezi hummed, pretending to consider her options. Of course she was going to pursue this new thread of possibilities. She’d been dropping very obvious hints as to her flushed inclinations for ages, but the pretty little human boy was totally oblivious for some reason! It was hard to mistake this, though, so she was definitely going to run with it! Anything that made Dave turn that shade of red had to be a good idea. 

“Do you want Officer Pyrope to tie you up and have her way with you?” she asked in a low, sultry voice. Better check to make sure he was actually on board with this. 

Dave actually _moaned_. An outright, deep in his throat, breathy moan. Oh yeah. She was _so_ okay with this change of plans. 

“That wasn’t an answer!” Terezi said, giving him another little swat.

“Y-yes!” Dave stuttered.

“Yes what?”

“Yes officer!”

“Much better.” 

Terezi licked her lips, grinning. Dave was all kinds of interesting right now. Abandoning him momentarily, which caused him to whimper faintly, she strode over to the door and shut it, locking it too for good measure. The Rose human was pretty good about knocking, Kanaya too, but Karkat had an unfortunate tendency to just barge into rooms uninvited, and Gamzee… well Gamzee rarely even used doors. Just air vents. She sniffed around the room warily. Not even the faintest hint of grape. Satisfied that they had complete privacy, she returned to Dave’s side.

“Where were you the night of Friday the thirteenth?” she demanded, pushing the human onto his ‘bed,’ which was really just a glorified pillow pile. 

“What?” Dave asked, sprawling forward into the blankets.

“I don’t know, it’s just something the police ask during interrogations,” Terezi said with a shrug. “Just make something up so I can call you a liar and punish you for it. I mean, that is what you want me to do, right?” 

She realized she’d made the mental leap from ‘orders’ to ‘punishment’ without any clarification. From the weird human porn she’d perused those two tended to be synonymous, but porn was very rarely accurate to reality. 

“Oh my god yes that is definitely something I want you to do,” Dave said, wriggling slightly. “Holy shit Terezi I had no idea you were into kinky shit like this and like more specifically into it with me I mean I kind of suspected you were ‘flushed’ for me or whatever the hell you call it but I didn’t want to sound like an egotistical asshat and be like hey TZ do you dig me or anything like that and-”

“Mr. Dave Strider!” Terezi interrupted, punctuating it with a light slap to his ass, which was quite conveniently stuck up in the air from how he’d sprawled down onto the bed. “In another moment I’m going to have to gag you, and that will be very inconvenient for the both of us since you’d only be able to answer yes or no questions!”

Dave immediately shut up.

Terezi was slightly surprised.

“I actually expected you to keep talking so I would have to gag you.”

“Nah,” Dave said. “That’s not really my thing. Also it would make it difficult to tell you if you were crossing a line somewhere. Oh yeah, on the subject, if there’s something I am super not okay with, I’ll say… uhhh… cherry slushie, so you know to stop. That cool?”

“Mmmnn, cherry slushies are very delicious!” Terezi cackled, although she was taking the assigning of a safe word quite seriously. “Cherry slushie it is! Don’t you worry, coolkid, I wouldn’t do anything that you don’t actually want me to do. That would be crossing into caliginous territory and I already know you’re not about that.” 

“Cool,” Dave said. “Are you going to repeat the interrogation question or should I just answer it?”

“I will repeat it,” Terezi said crisply. “To maintain the proper atmosphere. Now then - where we’re you on the night of Friday the thirteenth?!”

“Just chillin’ in my bedroom, I swear!” Dave said. “Laying down some sick beats, drawing some rad comics, you know how it goes, regular day in the life for a coolki- yipe!”

“Liar!” Terezi shouted, smacking him soundly on the ass. “You positively reek of deceit! I can’t believe you thought you could pull the wool over my eyes. I’m afraid you made one grave miscalculation, Mr. Strider - _my eyes are already useless._ ”

“Okay, okay, okay, I’ll confess!” Dave gasped, squirming again. Terezi could feel the bed shifting with his weight. “I was actually in the kitchen, stealing all the best snacks for myself!”

Terezi hummed. “That is a much better story, miscreant. In fact, for confessing I might lighten your sentence. At least I would, if that were the truth!”

Another slap, this time hard enough to make her palm sting. Dave let out a low groan. “Jesus fucking Christ Terezi,” he breathed, his tone eager. 

She pretended to recoil in horror. “Are you getting aroused by this, Mr. Strider?” she asked in a scandalized tone. “Are you purposely lying to your arresting officer in the hopes of receiving brusque treatment?” 

“No!” Dave answered. “I mean yes! I mean no! I mean, ah fuck.” 

Terezi giggled quietly, covering her mouth with her hand. This was a lot of fun! 

She leaned over him, pressing her body against his back while sliding one hand up the front of his god tier shirt. “Lucky for you this particular officer has a soft spot for pretty little humans,” she purred. Dave shivered. Knowing how much it had affected him earlier, Terezi thoroughly licked one ear. 

“Of course, you’ll have to take what you’re given,” she continued conversationally. “After all, I am the officer in charge here.”

Dave let out a soft hiss. “Yes, _officer_.” 

Terezi cackled madly again, and leaned down to give Dave a decently sized love-bite on the back of his neck, careful with her sharp teeth on his thin skin.

“I’m not going to be able to cover that, am I?” he asked with a breathy chuckle.

“Not unless you put your hood up!” she said brightly.

“Oh fuck no.”

She grinned, fully aware of his distaste for the extremely tight hood his god-tier cape came attached to. It would be pointless to mark him anywhere that other people couldn’t see evidence of her possession! 

Rather roughly, Terezi shoved him over on the bed so that he fell onto his back instead. Straddling his body, she clicked her tongue at him.

“This is all sorts of illegal, Mr. Strider,” she said. “I might have to arrest you all over again once we’re finished.”

“Whatever you say, officer,” Dave replied adoringly. “You’re so damn sexy in that uniform, holy shit.”

Terezi lightly slapped him across the face. “I will not tolerate that kind of impertinence from my suspect,” she scolded.

His blush increased significantly. “Yes officer, of course officer, I’m sorry officer.”

“Am I really that sexy, though?” she asked meekly, ducking her head a little.

“I fell out of my chair the moment I saw you,” he reminded. “You’re hella sexy, TZ.”

Quietly pleased, Terezi felt her own cheeks heat just a little. While indulging him was fun, she hadn’t really thought about the fact that it was as much about _her_ as it was about the situation. 

“You’re very sexy yourself, coolkid,” she murmurred. 

Tugging Dave up by his collar, Terezi firmly pressed their lips together. After a moment he opened his mouth against hers, and it was her turn to moan. The skin inside his mouth was much thinner, and everything tasted like the delicious cherry slushie she’d been thinking about ever since Dave set that as their safe word. 

Just as abruptly she let him go, allowing him to fall back onto the bed with a slight thud. He gasped softly, arching his back a little to keep from putting too much pressure on the hands that were still cuffed behind him.

“Now then, coolkid,” Terezi said, and carefully removed his shades to set them safely out of the way. “You’re gonna want to get a real good look at what I’m about to show you.” 

Dave’s breath hitched as she reached for the tie of her uniform, pulling it off in a single deft motion and dropping it on the floor. She then moved down the front of the shirt, unfastening buttons. Her nose twitched slightly, getting a better sniff of Dave’s current expression. Eyes wide - red, yes! Just like she’d suspected! - lips parted, cheeks flushed. Oh he smelled positively delicious, and not just because of all the red. 

Reaching the bottom of the white button-up, she untucked it from the navy pants and allowed it to slide off her shoulders, leaving her in nothing but a thin white undershirt. She reached for the hem of that, too, pulling it over her head slowly so as to not snag it on her pointy horns. 

Dave was still staring with the exact same look on his face, his eyes firmly focused on her chest as far as she could tell.

Terezi knew that her body looked very different from how a human female did, due to their vast biological differences. No ‘nipples’ or a ‘belly button,’ but with wiggler scars along her ribs and a faint dappling of teal scale-like protrusions leading towards the top of her pants. Dave didn’t seem to mind, if his rapturous silence was any indication. 

Raising herself up a little, she undid her belt, pulled it from the loops, and dropped it on the floor with a quiet clank. Dave audibly swallowed. 

As aroused as she was with everything they had been doing so far, she actually felt a little bit nervous to completely undress in front of Dave. What if he was grossed out by her? What if he didn’t want to actually do it once he saw just how different her body was?

“Hey,” Dave suddenly said softly, cutting through her thoughts. “Are you alright? We don’t have to do this, you know.”

Terezi fidgeted with the button on her pants. “I want to,” she said slowly. “I’m just afraid you won’t want to…”

Dave laughed, and she could feel the vibration of it in his chest through her thighs on either side of his body. “There is not much of anything that could make me not want to at this point,” he told her firmly. “I’ve basically had a boner since you walked in the door. I mean hot damn Terezi I don’t think you know what a uniform does to me.” 

Sometimes Dave could be rambling and weird and awkward… but other times he knew exactly what to say. Smiling slightly, she unfastened the button, dragged down the zipper, and slowly pushed the pants off her hips. 

The scaling continued down her pelvis and slightly to the inside of her thighs, visible in the plain black undergarments she had on. They were already a little damp with genetic material, the tip of her bulge a visible lump in the front. 

“Those aren’t rough, are they?” Dave asked, referring to the scales. 

“Nope,” Terezi replied. “Just a bit harder than the rest of my skin, and bumpy.”

“Okay cool.” 

She stood up, removing the pants entirely and then quickly pulling off the undergarments before she got too nervous to do so. 

“Well?” she asked, forcing a grin.

“I think I like this even better than the uniform,” Dave said bluntly. 

Terezi actually flushed darkly at that, feeling her face heat all the way down to her neck. “Oh,” she practically squeaked. She had the strange urge to hide her face, which was kind of a silly thing for a blind girl to do. “You don’t think this is weird…?”

She gestured between her legs, where the scales merged together into a solid band of teal, split down the middle by her nook, her bulge poking out and the tip lightly brushing against her abdomen.

“Well yeah it is _weird_ because you’re an alien but you also have grey skin and horns and shark teeth and I’ve always been okay with that and found you attractive anyway,” Dave pointed out. “So you’ve got alien junk, too, I was pretty much already expecting that. It doesn’t change the fact that I really want to have sex with you right now.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well then we definitely need to get those clothes off of you!” 

“Got ya covered,” Dave drawled. 

Oh right, god tier. His clothes disappeared, leaving him in nothing but… but…

“Dave!” she exclaimed, starting to laugh. 

That was definitely a misuse of god tier clothing manipulation powers! He’d stripped down to bright red boxers, with a smuppet face on the front. The nose was… three dimensional. He grinned. 

“You’re a very unruly prisoner,” she said, shaking a finger at him disapprovingly as she clambered back over him on the bed. 

“Maybe you’re not a strict enough officer,” Dave challenged. 

Terezi slapped him across the face again, harder this time. It caused a bloom of bright red on one cheek.

“You think you can get away with things just because I’ve taken a shine to you, pretty boy,” she hissed in a low tone. “But let me set you straight - I am Terezi Pyrope, neophyte legislacerator and chief of the Alternian police. I am the law!”

Dave moaned loudly and arched up into her, causing her to gasp as he rubbed against her nook. 

“Well then, I want to be fucked over by the law,” he said passionately. 

When she looked down, Terezi realized that his last (utterly ridiculous) article of clothing had vanished into the where ever it was void of god tier wardrobe mindfuckery. 

“Oh that’s interesting,” she murmurred. 

“Not too weird for you, I hope,” Dave said casually, and she flushed.

She hadn’t even considered that his anatomy would be just as alien to her as hers was to him. She lightly stroked her fingertips along his human bulge, resulting in him making a soft sound of pleasure. It was flushed red but not purely red, stiffer and not slimy. 

“Very interesting,” she hummed.

“So how is this gonna work?” he asked. “Because from how it looks you’ve got a tab and a slot and I’ve mainly got a tab because the slot requires a little more planning in advance and some supplies.” 

“Or I could just do this,” Terezi suggested instead, not even really listening to him blather about slots and tabs as she straddled him again and her bulge fully extended to wrap around Dave’s human bulge. 

“Ohhhhh holy fucking shit,” Dave breathed, arching up into her again. “Prehensile alien dick. Fuckin’ sweet.” 

She grinned and tightened her bulge around him, stroking slightly. Some other time they could experiment with inserting things in places but this was more than enough for right now. 

Terezi shuddered slightly, shifting to rock her whole body in motion with her bulge around Dave. Her whole body already felt tingly and warm, and she was pretty sure this wasn’t going to last very long. But from the sounds of it Dave was in a pretty similiar situation. 

“You’re still probably going to prison after this,” she panted, grinning.

“So long as the officer who arrested me makes sure to take special care of me, I don’t really think I mind,” Dave replied with an answering grin. 

Terezi laughed as she felt her release send shivers through her whole body. Genetic material smeared across Dave’s stomach and dripped onto the bed and he moaned, trembling as his own whatever it was called for humans was added to the puddle of teal. It wasn’t red like the color of his blood, as she had expected, but a filmy white. There was also significantly less, and she understood why humans didn’t need buckets for sex. 

When the internal tingles and flood of genetic material ceased she sighed, leaning down to lick Dave’s face playfully. His skin was still flushed and he tasted both of sweat and the candy red beneath his skin. 

“Well that was basically awesome,” he said, still a little breathless.

She giggled. “I agree.”

“As much as I would love to engage in some post-sex cuddles right now, everything is kind of damp and my arms are going numb from being cuffed behind me for so long.”

Terezi froze. “Oh no…”

“What?”

“I forgot to alchemize the key!”


End file.
